To Give More and Expect Less
Friday, August 03, 2007
Yesterday was the last day at ILOG, iloggers had a little farewell party for Keng Pang, Wanling and i. I like the Oreo cheesecake Keng Pang bought; Wanling and i treated them to Rochers & Merci. It was heart-warming... afterall, i've been there for 7 weeks. Took some nice pics using Wanling's camera too. Will wait for her to send me.
Today, i will just rest at home. Had wanted to attend to some personal stuffs but decided to do put them away till a better time. This will be a slightly longer weekend for me, and i will be spending it on my own. BearBear is not free. It's also good for me... so i can use the time to do some reflection.
I need to revise how to "give more and expect less". As time goes by, we tend to deviate from balance and turn greedy. I don't know about you, but i think i'm the kind to. When things change from sweet to steady; it normally turns pale. No more sweet-nothings, only expectations. Many a times, i wonder why have i became such a weakling... no longer the ambitious, strong self. Where have i wandered to? Lost in my own imagination, fantasy. It's time to face up to reality.
Do dreams that we make at night or when we sleep become real? Are they premonitions foretelling the future? I'm scared they do, always afraid so. Of coz i mean the nasty ones... those that i don't wish them to happen. Yet we're so ironic aren't we... we want those good ones to be realised. And there are some dreams that were dreamt coz we had been thinking of them sub-consciously. I give you one example: ever dreamt you were in the toilet relieving yourself, and the next thing you know, your butt felt warm and then you realised you had peed on your bed? Well, i did this dream before...
I had a dream that felt shockingly real last night. But i knew sub-consiously i was having bad thoughts before that... so now i wonder how am i to cope with this. The mind isn't strong.
Oli, here i promise that i will apply for "it" with you. Coz i think i pretty much need to get a life, outside the life i'm leading now. And it's no harm to just apply. I'm gonna refrain from giving negative remarks or be a wet blanket from now... coz life's boring not because of anything but me. Changes...
Changes are inevitable. Yarh... but i dislike change. With changes, only good things come? No right... bad things do too. And i cannot sit and wait to adapt to the bad things. So i resist change... But i guess i need to change my opinion on this and accept changes; good or bad. Give me time.
Time will work things out. If i have time...
It was a love story @ 10:19
baby,just say yes.
