Wednesday, December 23, 2009
This was a side story I told gera and xin last sunday briefly: the very short "fling" I had with mr 黑人牙膏 or you guys nicknamed him "horse". Yes, I know no one (really almost no one) knew nothing between me and him. I will keep the story short. I knew him over the miRC but surely we knew each other by face and we moved on to smses and phone calls. I couldn't remember what it was that got me attracted to him even though ya, everyone was commenting on his looks. Ahem haha. I believe in chemistry ba... and he was nice. It was the first time it felt like a relationship cos we actually went out (lol)... cos I never did go out with Sam or Soon Kwang alone before.
I forgot but I think it started on 3.8 women's day. And up till June 20somthing that year, it was all fine... nothing fantastic but pleasant. I remember I went on a Thailand trip with my family and when I came back, he initiated a breakup through sms. Yes, how conveniently I was a frontier victim of the sms-breakup. Of cos I couldn't get to terms with it as it had came as a shock. But that was nothing I could do, cos yes I couldn't care less for my esteem and asked why, was there another girl, was the problem with me. So when sch reopened and the O level orals and prelims etc... I just couldn't keep up. I even had to sms him to wear tie for oral. Omg right, where the hell did my 矜持 go to?
That was a time when "emo" was not known, haha but I was emo. And I was really fortunate to have with me the entire founder-bp gang and more. Somehow I made myself numb to everything... and hence I couldn't see any other decent guys. Oops. I despise girls getting hooked on thier rebound or even patching up after breaking. I knew I simply had to pick myself up. Everyone was counting on me to act like a big sis... haha who knows maybe that's why I had such an attitude problem.
The higher you climb, the heavier you fall. The higher the expectations, the more hurt you get. The reason why I disclosed this now was perhaps I no longer had to protect myself. Or maybe I just wanna remind myself how strong I used to be. We always tend to put in our everything when we believe and trust in someone/something, and we never stop to think that it may hurt us because we wanna believe. I can feel that being in a comfortable relationship with Beng Hock has made me believe again in fairy tales and happily ever after. I still believe that everyone is entitled to his/her happiness. However, I believe in taking baby steps now :) Hence, I wanna wish happiness to all my dearest friends, you know who you are. Gera, Hx, Qf, Yx, Kt, Bong, Mg, Wm, Ty and all sclub11 members.
Ps: this post is more intended for my sec sch friends who knew me back then.
light sticks against the sand
Gera - I hope you don't get hurt this time or again. I never like to hear your sad stories... with jerks or simply the wrong guys. It's not that I don't understand but that I wish some awesome guy just drop from the sky for you. You really deserve someone who loves you and won't make you tired. Which girl doesn't want to be pampered right? I know you were/are upset with yourself for always letting unhappy things happen to you, and you said it you're looking for stability now. So if I didn't have the courage to say to you, I'll say now that don't be with the "guy". Ask yourself if he's someone you can depend on, or that you are gonna try again. Is he someone worth trying out with, and are you or can you keep up with his life or lifestyle or friends as your status progress... and when more expectations come in.
Xin - At least you know what you want, however and I believe so Aquarius also quite perfectionist. It's not easy to look for the one guy who fits all your criteria leh. Want shuai, want to play bball or sporty, want gentlemen but cannot MCP, want mr.nice guy but only to you. Haha... sounds perfect? Yea I know. I'm a half Aquarius afterall... you hear ppl say "mia hiam buay pai" hor not for nothing leh. But if you really see a guy you interested, must take action ok. hint hint...
xin & gera - so silly & so adorable!
Fen - I really wanna compliment and congratulate you. Do you know that you have become a much better person le? I'm not a good person with words hence I can only write or type. You also another one who keeps things to yourself and act like you don't care a damn. Last time Yixian and I used to think you were harsh to your mummy, but last night it was really heartwarming to hear about you being such a support to parents le. At least they have you, if not i'm sure they would have felt really hopeless. Alot of things like what Ah Bong said, things the previous gen didn't do good enough (ie. our parents) we'll learn not to repeat cos we want our next gen to lead better lives ah. I'm also proud of you that you have an aim, no matter what it is becos that will really push you forward de. Cos when I met Szehua yesterday, she was also telling me about this.
Xian - Well, hai hao la ni wo ying gai mei se me ke yi jiang de. Bu guo ni hao xiang ye shi ling yi ge xi huan xiang hen duo de. If possible, follow your feelings lor. Don't know whether half a year's time I'll still be nuahing lor. So bad... if not let's just start our own tuition team lah. Oh but maybe you can intro me some tutees. Cos I've only that one now.
It was a love story @ 10:48
baby,just say yes.
baby,just say yes.
